Real Life Jef

I've had a bit of time on my hands to really think about what I am doing wrong with my life. I think I've been too concentrated, too fixated on some things, not to have noticed the imbalances in other parts of my life. I have desperately wanted approval from people I hold highly and forgotten other people who were just as important.

I want her. I want her to say she needs me. I want her to be real in my life, instead of just being a part of her games.

I desperately fear that one day she will just throw me away like another game she has grown bored of. I want to be valued by her, and in chasing her approval, I have started to lose those qualities that attracted her to me in the first place. I do not blame her. I blame myself.

I have chased my desires too heavily and become something... less.